Sexual assault is a recurring topic, which needs to be spoken about delicately but treated seriously. I’ll start by defining sexual assault: “an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches someone without their consent or coerces or physically forces someone to engage in a sexual act against their will.”
The term sexual assault is basically an umbrella term including:
- Rape/attempted rape
- Unwanted groping/touching
Plus many more.
When questioning sexual assault, people tend to ask, “do you have proof?” Although this may be a genuine question, suitable when inquiring about a different type of crime, when it comes to sexual assault it comes across as insulting and insensitive. Sexual assault is exceedingly hard to prove, unless filmed or reported straight away, however that is a lot easier said than done. Victims are usually required to not shower, go to the toilet or even change clothes to avoid damaging the “evidence”, which is literally impossible if not reported right away.
Victims of assault all respond differently; yes, we’d all like to think that if it ever happened to us, we’d fight back and tell the police, but in reality, that doesn’t really happen. Usually victims are in such shock and denial that something so terrible has just happened to them or they’re scared into silence that either their abuser will do it again, or that they simply won’t be believed- hence why “do you have proof?” can be quite triggering.
Another triggering comment that people usually say is “I can’t believe it, he (or she) would never do such a thing.” As innocent as this comment may seem, used to convey shock, it could come across that you’re dismissing what the victim has endured because you can’t imagine the predator in question doing that. The sad reality is, you never know someone fully; as humans, we are capable of absolutely anything- including sexual assault, so unconsciously defending someone under the pretense that “it’s not in their character” is part of the problem. As Amber Rose said, “funny how if 50 men call one woman a hoe, you’ll believe it, but if 50 women call one man a rapist you find it questionable.”
It is also important to note that an extremely small minority of people lie about sexual assault, so why do some individuals like to tarnish the majority of assault victims with that same brush? Because the majority of victims are women that’s why- and all these insensitive views originate from misogyny (the hatred of women).
This even dates as far back to ancient Greek times and a great example of this is the myth of Medusa. She was a mere mortal who the god Poseidon thought was beautiful- so beautiful he raped her in a temple dedicated to the goddess Athena. As a result, Poseidon went unpunished and Medusa was turned into a monster with hair made of snakes, turning anyone that looked at her into stone. Although of course this is a myth, this is still a story told today and is still relevant, as she, the victim, got the blame. If this doesn’t reek of misogyny, then I don’t know what does.
Disgustingly, a victim’s worth is usually determined by what they were wearing or their sexual history- which in all cases shouldn’t have anything to do with it. Just because a girl wears a short skirt or has her cleavage on show doesn’t mean that she “wanted or asked” to get raped or groped. Or just because she is perceived as a “hoe” doesn’t mean she deserves it either. If a woman has slept with 100 men and you happen to be number 101, and she says no, then no means no. Stop making it about you and your childish ego.
What is so hard to grasp about this concept?
This does however open up the conversation of consent. As a current university student, I’ve seen that there seems to be some blurred lines around consent. By definition in this context, consent is the voluntary agreement of engaging in a sexual act- note that this must be verbal. I cannot stress this enough. If it’s not a firm yes, then it means no. Examples of not giving consent:
- No
- I don’t feel like it
- Maybe
- I’m not sure
And, just because a woman invites you over to her accommodation at night (or vice versa) doesn’t equal sex! Just because it’s passed 11pm doesn’t translate as “yes I want to have sex” (unless consent has been given of course).
I guess the question is, who should be teaching people this?
Personally, I think it should be the job of parents to educate their children about sex, consent, and the consequences of not giving/receiving consent, but this also needs to be reinforced by secondary schools and taken seriously (otherwise what’s the point if consent is taught as a joke). I believe it’s also important to teach people about sexual assault, what constitutes as sexual assault and that first and foremost, it’s never the victim’s fault.
The fact people seem to forget what consent is in this context is still a huge problem and shouldn’t even be a problem. Like I said earlier, it’s deep-rooted in misogyny and this hatred of women is still embedded in society so much so that a woman just showing her shoulders in a professional setting is deemed inappropriate or something as natural as breastfeeding in public is deemed “weird.” As women, we are unconsciously still seen as sexual objects as much as people would love to deny it- otherwise these silly unwritten rules wouldn’t be a thing. In my opinion, it says more about you than the woman in question herself, because why would you get turned on by looking at women’s shoulders?
Predatory behaviour if you ask me.
Before I continue, it probably looks as if I’m bashing men, however although the majority of men don’t possess these outdated views as mentioned, a loud minority does. It is also important to recognise that men can be victims of sexual assault too- this includes rape. Obviously, men don’t have vaginas, but that will not stop a rapist (regardless of gender) penetrating a man’s anus. A common type of sexual assault men experience includes having their penises groped in clubs usually by women- which is completely unacceptable too. Sadly, men are less likely to report their assault as they fear being seen as a “victim” and demasculinised which could be perceived as unmanly or embarrassing, when it’s not.
As a society, the blame needs to stop being pinned on the victim. What they wear, where they go and how they act has nothing to do with determining if they deserve to be assaulted or not. Not only that, we need to stop applauding men for “bare minimum” human decency when it comes to women; for example, a man simply accepting a woman saying no without a fight shouldn’t be applauded. This should be the norm.
We don’t applaud a fish for swimming now do we.
Now, back to the quote title, whether you agree or disagree is up to you, but the take home message is this: as a society, we need to stop policing what our daughters wear and keeping them indoors and instead teach our sons about consent and how not to be sexual predators.
Remember, you don’t have autonomy over anyone else’s body except your own.
PSA: This opinion was very much solicited.
Some websites for further info/help:
Sexual assault- https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault
Sexual assault (of men)- https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys
Consent- https://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/what-consent/
Support line- https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/
